Why You Need Habits for Life After Alcohol

It’s not so much that you need habits: you already have habits.

As a species we are pretty lazy. We tend to do the same thing over and over because it’s less effort. Which means you probably get up at around the same time, eat the same thing for breakfast and go to work in the same way.

These are habits. Your problems don’t come from a lack of habits, they come from not having the right habits. Are you getting up at the right time? Are you eating the right breakfast? Are you making the most of your trip to work?

In many ways sobriety is simply the act of improving your habits. I had many habits when I was drinking. I would always buy the booze from the same place. I would always drink the same stuff. I would always start drinking at the same time. Habits.

Just like sobriety comes from being more conscious of your drinking, better habits come from being more conscious of them.

A few years ago, I even went as far as writing out what I wanted my habits to look like. I call it a Standard Operating Procedure for Life. This is probably because I spent too much time working in the medical profession where there was a procedure for everything (and I have an odd sense of humor).

You probably don’t need to go that far, but this article is a long list of things that you could do differently. We’re going to look at various areas where you probably already have habits, such as:

• What do you do in the morning?

• How do your habits improve your thinking and learning?

• How do your habits support your health?

• How do your habits bring you closer to others?

• What are all these habits for?

• What do you do in the evening?

I want to stress that you do not need to do everything in this article, heck I don’t even do everything in this article. The purpose of covering so much ground is to get you to think about a lot of stuff but only to take a little action.

Work out what you want to improve and get started on that. Don’t underestimate the value of starting small. Like the behaviour change guru, B. J. Fogg says,

“The easier a behaviour is to do, the more likely the behaviour will become a habit.”

It’s important to me not to recommend stuff I haven’t tried. So what follows is stuff that I read about in books, but crucially I then went and tried it. I know all of this stuff works. However, all I really know is that it works for me – it might not work for you. If it doesn’t, no sweat, just try something else.

My Morning Routines for Staying Sober

I call my morning routine “The Iron Cereal Bowl” (I told you I had an odd sense of humor). It is composed of five key strategies which can be implemented quickly or slowly depending on the day.

1. Don’t press snooze

I figured out a long time ago that the snooze button is my enemy. It promises more refreshing sleep, but it only ever delivers a painful path out of bed. That’s why I now have an alarm (well an app) that doesn’t have a snooze button.

2. Do some exercise

I don’t do the same exercise every day, sometimes I have to fight my way into London through the traffic and sometimes I don’t. If I have an hour, I’ll run; if I have five minutes; I’ll do kettlebell swings. If I’m really in a hurry, I’ll do ten press ups. The point is always to do something.

3. Have a shower

I feel better if I have a shower, so I try to shower everyday (well every weekday). I also try to end it with some cold water. This will focus on my legs if I’ve been running but I know one minute of full-bore cold makes me feel better, and it has a lot of health benefits.

4. Plan the day

Technically, I don’t plan the day in the morning. I plan the coming week at the end of the day on Friday. What I do in the morning is review what I’ve got to do. The aim of this is to make sure that I get done what needs to be done but still have time for my family.

5. Hug the family

I try to hug my wife and my daughter before we head off to our various daily endeavours. And I don’t mean a quick hug, I mean a full on snuggly, soothing, peaceful hug. Preferably lying on the sofa. As a way to start your day, it beats a smoothie every time.

Wake up to Sobriety Motivation

I said that I wouldn’t recommend stuff that I don’t use, but I’m going to make a bit of an exception here.

I don’t like mornings, they ain’t my jam. Maybe they are yours. Maybe you want to make a bit more of them. I get it. It’s just that I tried the Five AM Club and it didn’t suit me at all. My wife on the other hand…

She loves the early mornings and spends about 90 minutes every morning setting herself up for the day. And it has made a huge difference to her mental and physical health. So, if you want a bit more of a morning routine, I suggest you copy her.

Unfortunately, she’s never written a book about what she does in the early hours, but fortunately she stole it all from “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod. You may have come across the idea before, it’s abbreviated into SAVERS.

The Six Practices of the Miracle Morning:

1. Silence

2. Affirmations

3. Visualisation

4. Exercise

5. Reading

6. Scribing

I’m not feeling the need to expand on these, you can figure it out for yourself (or just buy the book). I think I ought to point out that scribing means writing or journaling but he couldn’t call it that because SAVERJ sounds stupid.

I feel I also ought to point out that journaling is one of those wedge issues: you either love it or you don’t. Personally, I can’t get on with it, but my wife loves it. I guess opposites attract.

One word of warning though, it is easy to get carried away when designing a morning routine. Yes, silence is great. Obviously, affirmations and visualisations help. Sure, reading and journaling can be a huge bonus, but…

It’s way too easy to try to cram too much in. Don’t get to the point that you're doing so much in the morning that you’re worn out before the day has really started.

The Mindset of Recovery

I’m not really sure where to put my habits around focus and concentration. They’re a bit more ad hoc so they aren’t connected to a particular time or place. Yet I want to mention them because they’re so important to me.

OK, so everyone tells you that you should meditate. And you probably should.

But I don’t, not as such. I’ve tried to develop a “sitting on the cushion” mediation habit but it didn’t stick. I just didn’t feel the benefit. That said, I have a very strong visualisation habit because I’ve seen the benefit over the years I’ve been doing it.

I also spend some time doing yoga (more of that later). Both of these habits have a lot of similarities to mediation, I guess it is a matter of finding what works for you. If you can’t get on with “proper” meditation, try walking meditation or focusing on music – you can even meditate and juggle – there is a way that will work for you.

Meditation may be optional but making your phone work for you is as close to mandatory as it gets. This could be a long article of its own. Phones are a potential sinkhole, particularly if you have a habit of swapping one addiction for another. I’m only going to give you two pieces of advice.

Strip back your phone

Your phone can do everything but that doesn’t mean it should. The less shiny things that are on it, the less temptation there is to spend hours staring at it. Spend some time considering what you need your phone to do. Also turn off most of the notifications, you don’t need them, they aren’t enhancing your life, they are simply disturbing you and ruining your concentration.

Don’t default to the phone

I know it’s hard but if you have four minutes – in a queue or while your partner goes to the loo – don’t pull out your phone. You don’t have to fill every spare moment with something. Spend a few minutes daydreaming, you might have a good idea, and you will strengthen your ability to focus.

Honestly, I’m not anti-phones. I find mine very useful for checking my bank account, listening to audio books, navigating places and even phoning people. But on the table across from me are two people who are staring at their phones and ignoring each other: that’s what I don’t like.

I spent too long being a slave to alcohol to give up control to my phone.

Health Habits for a Sober Lifestyle

Health is another huge area that deserves a few thousand words to do it justice. But let’s look at a few of the health habits that keep me feeling good.

It’s just about the most important idea that I haven’t covered yet, it’s not about doing more good things: it’s about stopping the bad things. Which you know. Stopping drinking is almost certainly the best thing you’ve ever done for your health.

Maybe it’s time to go further. If you smoke or vape then stopping will do more for your mental and physical health than just about anything else.

My diet has more habits than a nunnery. I basically eat the same thing at least 90% of the time. That’s overnight oats and fruit for breakfast. And lunch and dinner follow the same basic formula: One part beans, one part wholegrains, two parts vegetables.

Sure, I vary the beans, grains and veg. I also use a lot of spices and herbs, but the formula remains pretty consistent. And I batch cook so I don’t have to worry too much about it.

I try to exercise five or six days a week. As I mentioned earlier, I almost always do it in the morning, ideally before I’m awake enough to change my mind.

I drink about three litres of water a day. Which sounds like a lot but it’s actually not that hard. I have two 750ml water bottles. I drink one with breakfast, one with lunch, one with dinner and one after dinner.

When I first upped my water intake I noticed the difference. But that’s only because I already had very strong habits around diet, exercise and sleep. Which is why I wouldn’t advise you to start with hydration. Diet, exercise and sleep will give you more bang for your buck than buying a really big water bottle.

Connection for Sober Inspiration

I have some habits that help to build connections on a day-to-day basis. For example, I go out of my way to chat to people: standing in a queue, waiting for the bus, even if they’re reading a good book I’ll start talking to them. In fact, I just started a conversation with the guy who’s painting the ceiling where I’m working. Are we going to end up as besties? Probably not. Did it improve our day? Sure.

I also try to reach out periodically to people, I haven’t seen or spoken with in a while. Sometimes that’s because I want something, like a book review or charity sponsorship but it’s often just to say hello. And it’s always great, people are often pleasantly surprised to hear from you after years. Why not try it?

The biggest connection habit I’ve developed though is having dinner with my family. We don’t always have dinner together, but we try to. It’s an obvious way to check in with each other towards the end of the day. I also believe that by convincing my daughter that it’s normal while she’s young, means there’s a chance she’ll do it once she’s a teenager.

You’ve probably heard people saying you should practice gratitude. Which is all well and good, but how does that work? You could find five minutes at the start or the end of the day to create a short list of what you’re grateful for.

But what I’ve found helpful is discussing what I’m grateful for with my family at dinner. All we do is state three things we’re grateful for. Partly, it’s about getting my daughter to talk about her day but I also appreciate the opportunity to reflect on what’s gone well for me too.

And even when times are hard we still have much to be grateful for.

Learning Habits for Alcohol-Free Living

I’ve easily done more learning since I left school than I ever did when I was there. Partly, that’s a reflection on what a bad student I was, but partly it’s about my commitment to understanding the world.

My favourite piece of advice on the subject comes from Robin Sharma. He calls it the “Sixty Minute Student”. The idea is that you’re not allowed to go to bed unless you’ve spent an hour learning that day.

I don’t take it to those extremes, but I do try to learn every day. I listen to around 65 audio books every year and that easily averages out to more than an hour a day. I also read actual books and science articles.

You’ve been reading this article long enough to make your own mind up about whether or not all that studying has helped me. But one thing I'm very confident of, all the sober superstars I’ve ever met have learnt about sobriety.

I’m not saying you should become an expert or make a career out of it, but you should do your research: listen to books and podcasts, watch videos and TED talks, read books and articles (like this one). However you do it, that understanding helps you cope with the complexity of getting sober and staying that way.

But it doesn’t have to be about sobriety, there are plenty of things to learn. You don’t even have to spend a lot of time doing it. For example, 15 minutes a day spent on something like Duolingo will get you ready for a foreign holiday in a matter of months and could give you a level of fluency in a couple of years.

Evening Routine for Addiction Recovery

It always strikes me as kind of strange that people don’t talk more about an evening routine. There are thousands of articles, books and podcasts about what to do when you get out of bed, but way less about what to do before you get into it.

The folly of this is obvious: if you don’t sort out getting to bed then you won’t have the energy to do hours of yoga, breath work, bullet journaling and kung-fu once you’ve got up. Here are my suggestions for a good night's sleep.

Try to have a consistent bedtime, this is what drives a consistent time to get up. It’s not rocket science; remove the amount of time you need to sleep from the time you want to get up and you have calculated your optimum bedtime.

Before you put yourself to bed you should put your phone to bed. Other than checking that my alarm is set, I don’t look at my phone or my laptop after about 8.30. If that strikes you as impossible, then check out bedtime mode in your settings. You can get your phone to block function and go black and white at a certain time to remind you to put it down.

However you do it, it’s worth finding a way to wind down that doesn’t involve staring at a small screen. The irony of this is that I do it by staring at a big screen. I don’t find that this negatively affects my sleep. Instead, it takes my mind off the many things I could be worrying about.

Immediately before I go to bed, I often do some stretching. I wouldn’t want to call it yoga as you might get the wrong idea about me. It’s a five-minute routine that stretches the bits of my body that get tight. It’s very relaxing and I’m sure it helps me to sleep.

Then I get into bed and read. Usually, it’s sci-fi but always it’s fiction. Some people say, “I don’t know how you can do that, reading makes me tired”. Yeah, that’s kind of the point.

A Strategy for Maintaining Sobriety

“If you don't know where you're goin', any road will take you there.”

That’s usually credited to Lewis Carol even though it’s utterly not a line from Alice in Wonderland. I’m going to claim it as a George Harrison lyric. Either way it’s true.

None of these habits have much meaning if you don’t have any direction. What’s the point in getting a good start to the day if you're going to waste the rest of it wandering aimlessly? What’s the point in staying healthy if you aren’t going to do anything with your energy?

I’m not saying you have to cure malaria, or save the planet from a foaming alien horde, but you’ve got to want to do something. What?

I like to think I have a good(ish) idea of where I want to go – I want to rid the world of false beliefs. But I have to keep reminding myself of this, otherwise I get distracted by shiny things.

The way I keep on track is by regularly reviewing the VOB5: Values, Objectives and The Big 5.

Values

Who are you and what do you stand for? I have nine values that I try to live by. They cover my mission, my family, my health and who I want to be. They don’t change much but I do reorder their priority and rephrase them when I need to.

Objectives

What do I want to actually get done? I have objectives for the year. Some of these involve big pushes, like breaking a world record. Some of them are just about keeping at it, like writing a book. And some of them are in the background, like saving 15% of our gross income. I review them all once a month and then translate them into what I’m going to do over the next few weeks.

The Big 5

This is a safari reference – the big five must see animals in Africa. I picked it up from one of the many self-help books I’ve read. You just ask yourself what are the five skills or areas of life you’d like to excel at? Again, these stay fairly consistent, but as my objectives shift I discover new areas that I need to work on.

For me, a lot of work has gone into working out those three things. I think it was worth it. Whether it’s worth you investing that much time is a decision you’ll have to make for yourself. But one of the best things I’ve ever done is to set aside some time in my diary to review stuff like this. Initially I did it once a month, now I do it every couple of weeks.

The Daily Habits That Keep Me Alcohol-Free

Well, there you have it, my life reduced to a longish article. These are all the habits that I use to power my sobriety day in, day out.

Admittedly there are a lot of things I do, but many of them I do without even thinking. If it seems like I’m a million miles from where you are, don't worry. I didn’t stop drinking and suddenly implement all these behaviours. It took time: because it takes time.

If you got a vague sense of being overwhelmed from all that – take a breath.

All you have to do is to work out what’s the one thing you’d like to change. Then work on that. Once you’ve sorted that out – and it starts to feel like you're doing it without much effort – then work on something else.

Here’s a quick recap of all the habits you could get your teeth into.

Morning Routine

For me this is all about exercise and planning. But you could make time for meditation, writing, reading, and inspiration. What do you need to do to start the day well?

The Focus Habit

There are things like meditation and visualisation that have been proven to strengthen your concentration, and they are great. But why not start with improving your relationships with your phone – it’s like downloading some extra concentration.

Healthy Habits

Smoking or vaping, diet and exercise: these are big areas that can potentially have a big impact on the way you feel. Don’t get overwhelmed, start with one thing and keep at it.

Regular Connection

You know connection is important, so why not build a connection habit? You could build connections with family and friends into every day, or you could develop the habit of reconnecting with people who you don’t see.

Learn Every day

“Every day’s a school day”, or it can be. You don’t have to do much (and you can take Sunday off) just try to expand your knowledge as often as you can.

Have a plan

You don’t have to develop a strategy like your Apple or Coca-Cola, you definitely shouldn’t emblaze your vision statement in bold lettering onto your lounge wall, but having a good idea of where you want to get does make decisions much easier.

The Twilight Zone

It’s underrated but getting a good bedtime routine can make a big difference. Which is why we make sure kids have them! If you’re going to do nothing else, invest in some solid sleep building habits.

The “Asking for Help” Habit

Yes, asking for help is a habit, one many of us seriously need to cultivate. If you need a little bit of extra help building and maintaining your sober habits then why not download our free checklist, “The Daily Habits That Keep Me Alcohol-Free”.

Click here and enjoy that extra boost of behavioural goodness.