The Nuts and Bolts of Addiction Recovery

Monks spend their days contemplating the divine mysteries, the seemingly impenetrable conundrum of human existence – which is important. Even for normal everyday sober people contemplating life is a worthwhile way to spend your time.

But you can’t do it with an empty belly.

What that means is, that while considering the esoteric facets of life is important, it’s level four stuff. And if you haven’t got through level two or three then you’re going to struggle. Without the foundations in place, for example a ready source of food, then you won’t be able to concentrate on those knotty philosophical problems.

Which is exactly the way monks roll. They don’t have to worry about the nuts and bolts of life so they can devote their mental energy to bigger questions: like what happens if a non-threadable bolt meets a universal nut?

For you, recovery might not be about deep abstract ideas but there will be higher levels, whatever you want to do there is always a level four. Which is why it is important to make sure you get through those first basic levels of sobriety so you can start to push the boundaries of what you want to do.

Let’s start with the nuts and bolts. To put it simply, everyone needs somewhere to live, something to eat, some transport, and a bit of money in their pocket. And none of which matters without health. So that’s what we’re going to focus on today. The simple stuff, that is often far from simple.

And before we go any further let’s be super clear: I am not a doctor, financial advisor or interior designer. Anything you read in the article is for information only and should not be considered as advice. Before you do anything serious consult the relevant professional.

The Stages of Staying Sober

You stop drinking, it sounds like a single thing that you do once. But the truth is the process of becoming sober usually takes a couple of years. It helps to divide it into three distinct phases, partly because it helps us to understand it but also because you need to behave in a different way for each section.

Stopping – Level One

Very few people decide to stop drinking one day and never drink again. Usually there are events that lead up to stopping. There is always time spent thinking about it, that dawning realisation that alcohol has started to cause many more problems than it ever solved.

Then once you’ve decided to stop it may take a few goes to actually stop for good. It’s not uncommon for people to stop for a while, believe they’ve got alcohol cracked, go on a bit of a bender, realise that was a bad idea and then never drink again. Everyone makes mistakes and if you can learn from them then they’re mistakes that are worth making.

All of these events, periods of reflection and false starts are part of level one, the stopping section. Once you’ve actually stopped you move into the next section.

Stabilising – Level Two

This is the period of time where you gradually shift your life away from what it was when you were drinking, to what it needs to be for long term sobriety. This is often the most exciting time because it seems to offer the biggest changes.

It’s also the most difficult time because big changes are hard. It might involve finding a new job, one that uses your talents rather than one you can do with a hangover. It might also involve moving into a new social circle, moving away from your beer buddies to people who want more from life – just like you. Or it could involve addressing physical or mental health issues. It could involve repairing broken relationships.

All difficult stuff. And doing it will involve building new skills and a new sense of resilience and purpose. All of which is beautiful but a bit scary. However, doing it is worthwhile because once you’ve stabilised you can move to the next section…

Succeeding – Level Three

Succeeding is where we all think we want to get to – and it is a good place to be. But it isn’t over when you get there. Successful people still have problems. They just have a better class of problems. Worrying about how to invest your money is annoying but it’s better than worrying about where you're going to get enough money to pay the rent.

No matter how good life gets it will always be lifey so you’ll always be trying to solve that next big problem. Understanding that is about a third of the battle. The other thirds are figuring out what to do and doing it.

The plan for this article is to assume that you have stopped drinking and thus just cover the next two steps: stabilising and succeeding. There is, of course, cross over between the sections – some people get their health tip top but ignore their financial life until very late in the sober journey.

And that’s OK. You absolutely should not see this article as a long list of stuff to do. Please don’t think that you are not properly sober until you’ve done everything on this list.

The trick is to work out what your biggest problem is. If you can solve that it will have a big impact on your life and will be well worth the effort. All you need to do is to improve a little. Don’t try to be Buddha, try to be better.

Getting health after getting sober

Health is a big area worthy of its own article, an article you can read here. (Please hyperlink to Getting healthy after getting sober). That covers the main areas that make up human health, but it assumes that you have a basic level of health. Or at least you have an absence of disease. Clearly if you have immediate and uncomfortable medical issues you should get them dealt with before you go shopping for a really big water bottle.

So, what we’re going to start with is more healthcare than heath, more disease management than wellbeing.

Stabilising

Clearly stopping drinking is going to do a lot to improve your health. But it won’t solve every problem. In fact, it might reveal some problems. I want to be absolutely clear that I’m not saying stopping drinking causes problems, it’s more that it allows you to notice them. You could have been ignoring those odd chest pains, but when you stop drinking, it gets harder to do. Stopping didn’t give you angina, it just helped you to notice.

All of which means one of the best things you can do to help stabilise your recovery is to contact some health care. This is obviously going to vary based on where in the world you live. It could be as simple as registering with a doctor and asking for a check-up. Or it could involve working out how to access health care without medical insurance. Either way it’s worth getting back into the system and trying to get an assessment of your basic health.

It’s also worth visiting a dentist. I don’t know about you but drinking alcohol didn’t do much for my dental hygiene. Alcohol often has high levels of sugar or acid, neither of which are good for your teeth. It can also reduce the amount of saliva you produce, which increases the risk from bacteria. It can also reduce your body's ability to protect your gums, particularly if you combine it with smoking.

Long story short, it is worth working out how you can get back in touch with a doctor and a dentist.

Succeeding

Once you’ve reacquainted yourself with healthcare and hopefully solved all of those niggling little medical issues that alcohol can cause, what do you do next?

The short answer is work on the rest of the things that make up good health. But what does that mean? We’re constantly bombarded with information about health and how we can improve it. The problem is that most of this information comes from people who want to sell you stuff (for transparency, I do sell one to one coaching but it’s not a huge part of what I do).

People who sell gym membership will tell you exercise is the most important thing and so will people who want to sell you junk food (because they don’t want you to figure out that it’s their product that’s the problem). Which means it gets complicated figuring out what the most important thing to do is.

Which is why I came up the unLEASH system, to help you figure out where to get started. It puts the areas of your health you should work on into an order of priority:

• Lifestyle (smoking, vaping, other drugs)

• Eating

• Activity

• Sleep

• Hydration

Does that sound like a lot? Probably because it is – which is why at the start of this article it says, “Please don’t think that you are not properly sober until you’ve done everything on this list”.

Don’t get panicked or overwhelmed, just start with the biggest problem. And this article should help you do that.

Accommodation as Sober Inspiration

Everyone needs somewhere to live. It’s literally the most basic of survival needs: shelter. But it goes further than that. Having somewhere to stay now might give you shelter, but having somewhere to stay for as long as you like gives you security. And security is a much deeper, more meaningful need.

Stabilising

Thus, the primary goal has to be getting somewhere to live. You probably have this covered and if you don’t, then you won’t be reading blog posts, you be looking for somewhere to live.

But how long term are your living arrangements? There are points where having the guarantee of a few months would be enough – because it’s an improvement. But in an ideal world you’d like something with no looming end date. This means you can focus on other areas rather than worry about where you’re going to live.

Succeeding

Once you have some breathing space you can start to ask the bigger questions: Is this place right for me? Clearly, not every house or flat is going to meet everyone's needs. And clearly, not everyone has an unlimited budget. Thus, the question becomes are you getting the best bang for your buck. If not, are you going to move or improve?

Like everyone else, I have become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct. No, it’s not just my podcast. I do have a lot of IKEA furniture at home. Primarily because it helps. It helps us turn the space we have into something that meets our needs. We don’t have a huge place so it’s important to make the most of it.

Part of that is about having good storage and part of it is about getting stuff out of our lives when we no longer need it. Personally, I like living somewhere smaller because it costs less which gives us flexibility – because we don’t have to worry about huge mortgage, maintenance and tax payments. I also happened to think that owning too much stuff becomes a weight around your neck.

That being said, if you have five kids then you’re not going to be able to live somewhere small. It’s about meeting your needs. There’s no point in meeting someone else's needs, even if they do write excellent blog posts.

Ultimately, it’s about taking a step back and assessing what you really need from your accommodation. Then figuring out how you can do that by moving or improving.

Employment for Alcohol-Free Living

Do you need a job? No, you need money, purpose and a reason to get out of bed - jobs are a handy way of providing all three. If you are lucky and you have a source of income and you’re volunteering, you probably shouldn’t rush into a job.

Stabilising

However you want to peel this particular mango, there are three things that you need:

1. Money

2. Motivation

3. Meaning

Typically, a job provides all three of these, to varying degrees. It’s tempting to say the most important of these is money. If you don’t have any then it definitely is. You need a certain amount of money to function, after all mangos don’t grow on trees (obviously they do but you don’t own any mango trees, so you need money).

Of course, once you reach a certain amount of money, it’s not going to make you any happier if you have more. The bottom line is, if you are paying the bills – great. If you aren’t then the quest for money should be your number one priority.

Once you have some money then you need to start to think about motivation. If you have nothing that you have to get up for, then it can be hard to get out of bed. This is especially true in early sobriety. Ideally your job should help with that. But it might even be energising. If you can find something that you enjoy (most of) then when you’ve finished you are more likely to go to the gym, more likely to run errands during your lunch break. That starts a positive upwards cycle.

Finally, if you have a job that provides you with meaning it is meeting a high level need. It is enormously rewarding to help people. Sadly, a job that revolves around helping others are not valued in our society. Which means you often end up earning less if you do them. Which means you might not be able to help your family by paying for some accommodation that better meets their needs.

Sometimes just paying the bills is enough meaning for the moment. Again, take a step back, ask what your job is providing you with and if you need something else.

Succeeding

If you have a job that ticks many of the things you need from one, but there’s been some tension in the past; it is probably related to your performance while you were drinking. Then you can improve things. Start with relationships.

Clearly addressing every potential relationship issue is beyond the scope of this article but honesty and ownership are always a good start. You can change the way other people act but if you take responsibility for what you have done and try to improve the things you can, then you’ll be going a long way to rebuilding trust and good feeling.

If you can’t make your current situation work, then it’s probably time to look for something new. This is the point where you should step back and ask yourself what you’d like a job to look like.

Most people apply for new jobs because they pay more but the bottom line isn’t always the bottom line. You could look for something with less pressure or less hours, this will almost certainly involve less money too, but less money and more happiness is usually a good investment.

The Instagram ideal is of course to follow your dream. And there’s nothing wrong with that per say, but if everyone is following their dreams who’s going to mop the floor?

Not everyone can be an influencer, in fact, many of the influencers on Instagram are not influencing anyone. So don’t follow your dream, make sure there is meaning in what you do. Which can just be a matter of uncovering the meaning.

Once upon a time I used to train teams of people to collect blood donations. Every day these teams would collect hundreds of units of blood, saving and improving countless lives. But they’d often forget that when things got busy. Sometimes all you need to do is remind yourself that while mopping the floor might seem unimportant, if the floor is in a blood donation centre, then you are saving and improving lives – that’s meaning.

It’s only fair that I mention the idea of starting your own business, it’s rather fashionable to suggest going out on your own these days. But the reality is that it’s hard. It took me the thick end of two years to create a viable business, and I could only do that because I have a very supportive wife who paid most of the bills.

There are plenty of people out there that will tell you to become a sober coach. In theory this is a brilliant idea. You get to share your wisdom and help people who you know are suffering. In practice, it’s hard. To cut a very long story short, you will only succeed if you are great at sales and marketing. The bottom line is that being helpful in a world of noise doesn’t cut it.

Be very sceptical of anyone who wants to sell you a course on starting a sober coaching business. I’ve met a lot of people who have wasted a lot of money that way.

How to Finance a Sober Lifestyle

It would probably be better if we didn't live in a world where money did the moving – for one thing alcohol companies wouldn’t be able to change the beliefs of people and the policies of nations just by splashing the cash.

But we do. Money is important yet many people say they don’t care about it. That’s understandable, that’s the desire to focus on deeper and more important matters. Which is great – so long as you pay the bills.

Sadly, many people struggle to pay the bills not because they don’t earn enough money, but because they don’t manage what they have. Which almost always comes down to believing that money isn’t important. Thus, the most important thing you can do is to change your mindset. You don’t have to love money and stare at a stock market ticker. But you would benefit from realising that a bit of time managing your money can help you do more of the things you love.

Stabilising

Much of what we have talked about so far, comes down to money. If you have money, you have better access to healthcare. If you have money, you have more choice of where to live. If you have money, you have more flexibility over what you do with your time.

The aim of the game when stabilising your sobriety has to be having a roof over your head and paying the bills. If you can do that then you are winning. If you can do that without using any debit, like credit cards or personal loans, then you are golden.

If you aren’t able to cover your costs, then you need to do one of two things. Either reduce what you spend or increase what you earn. The first one is easier. But more than that, controlling what you spend is better than earning more. If you just spend money without thought, it doesn’t matter how much you earn, you will always run short of money.

Budgets are boring – no argument on that. But they help. Take a look at what you are spending money on and work out how you can make savings.

So, for the moment just balancing the books is enough.

Succeeding

Assuming you have got to the point that you can pay your bills (all of them, even the occasional ones like holidays and new cars) without getting into debt then you can start to do the more advanced stuff, you can start to succeed financially.

First off, look at what debt you have. Debt comes in three forms: reasonable, expensive and very expensive.

Reasonable debt is mostly just mortgages. Because mortgages last a long time, they are actually very expensive, you’ll typically pay back around twice what you borrow. But because the value of housing increases so quickly the value of the property should be greater than the total amount you pay – happy days.

You might also consider some student loans as reasonable debt if they have very low interest rates but be careful because not all of them do.

Expensive debts are personal loans and car finance. With these you are paying the money back quicker so you pay less interest, on a personal loan you may pay about 125% of what you borrowed. The big difference is what happens to the stuff you bought.

If you get a £20,000 loan to buy a car, you’ll repay about £25,000, but the car will only be worth about £8,000 after five years. It’s much worse if you got a personal loan for a holiday and a new sofa because those have absolutely no value after five years.

Very expensive debt is credit cards and payday loans. The interest rates on these can be huge which is why they can get out of control and become a trap.

The first thing you should do is look at your debt and sort it into these three piles. Pay off the most expensive first. And strange as it sounds, don’t save until you’ve paid off your debts – having money in the bank and paying the back lots of money for the stuff you bought five years ago doesn’t make sense,

Once you’ve paid of the debt then it should be easy to save. Just save the money you were using to pay off the debt. Frist off, create a rainy-day fund. This should be three to six months’ worth of living expenses. If you have that in the bank you have a nice buffer no matter what happens you’ll have enough to get yourself back on your feet.

After that you can start saving for the future, for the big stuff like buying a house or sending the kids to college, or even packing in work and jaunting around the world doing all the things you’ve always dreamed of.

It’s a lot, I know because during the last year I’ve been working hard on my finances, but it’s worth it. They call it financial freedom because that’s precisely what it is – if you have money, you can do what you like.

No-Frills Sobriety Motivation

What have we learned? Recovery isn’t just about not drinking – that’s level one. The real work (and the real reward) starts after that. It’s about building a life that actually functions – a life where you don’t have to fight fires every day and can finally think about what comes next.

We’ve covered the basics: sorting out your health, finding somewhere to live that feels secure, getting a job (or some kind of purpose) that gives you both money and meaning, and learning how to manage those mysterious things called “finances.” Once those nuts and bolts are tightened, you’re no longer surviving – you’re building. And that’s when sobriety starts to feel good, not just necessary.

At the end of the article, staying sober isn’t about becoming a saint or a self-help guru. It’s about doing the basics well enough that life starts to work. Having a roof over your head, food in the fridge, a bit of cash in your pocket, and a reason to get up in the morning – that’s the real magic.

Once those foundations are solid, you can start dreaming a little bigger. Maybe that’s running a marathon, changing careers, or finally learning to cook something that isn’t beans on toast. Whatever it is, it’s all easier when you’re not worrying about the basics.

Don’t get distracted chasing perfection or comparing your recovery to anyone else’s. Just keep doing the next right thing, and then the next. Because when the foundations are solid, everything else starts to take care of itself. Sobriety doesn’t make life perfect – it just makes it possible. And that’s enough.