Welcome to the frustration you don't have to battle anymore! That frustration you used to get when you went out with your friends at Christmas.

The festive season can be challenging when you're not drinking. Between the parties, the family gatherings, and the constant presence of alcohol, it's easy to feel like you're fighting an uphill battle. But today we're going to tackle three of the biggest challenges you'll face: handling pressure to drink, dealing with jealousy and navigating difficult family dynamics.

By the end of this article, you'll have practical strategies to not just survive Christmas sober, but to actually thrive and enjoy it.

Part One: The Big Tweak That Makes Saying No So Much Easier

Let's start with something you'll encounter at almost every Christmas gathering: someone offering you a drink.

How do you enjoy saying no to a drink? Well, what you've got to realize is that the sober superstars all do the same thing. They don't put pressure onto the people who are asking. I know that sounds a bit weird because the people that are asking them whether they want to have a drink or not are usually putting pressure onto them.

And I think that's the important thing. What they've done is they've understood why people put pressure on you to have a drink. Because they've understood that, they've learned some techniques to help them not put pressure back onto that person and not escalate the situation.

The Classic Scenario

Of course, we're all familiar with that situation, aren't we? You're out having a nice old time and then someone will come up to you and go, "Duncan, have a drink."

You say, "No, no, that's fine. You know, I have some water here."

And they'll go, "Duncan, have a drink. It's Christmas. You can have just one."

"Well, look, Dave, you know I don't drink."

"Oh, yeah, but it's been long enough now, Duncan. You can have a drink with your mate Dave at Christmas, can't you?"

And on and on they go. So you've got to ask yourself, why is it that people do that? Why do they behave in that way? What is it that actually makes it worse? What is it that escalates those situations and causes them to become really, really uncomfortable?

Why Do People Push?

Let's think about the first question. Why do people do that?

There's a very interesting survey done recently. What they found was that 72% of drinkers wish they drank less. Let’s repeat that, 72% of the people that drink want to drink less.

What do they think when they see you? Some of them, a few of them, are going to look at you and think, "Well, there's a great example of how I can drink less. Maybe I should find out some top tips from this person who has managed to stop drinking."

Some of them, but very few of them.

Most of them are going to feel a little bit bad in your presence. The simple reason is that they want to drink less, they aren't able to drink less, they don't feel they're capable of drinking less, therefore you show them up. You make them feel a bit bad.

Why do people give you a hard time about not drinking? The simple answer is, usually because they're dealing with their own fear that their own drinking is not under control.

What You Can Do About It

What are you going to do about it? Well, first off, defuse the situation. And I get it. I really do understand that the classic reaction to somebody who's giving you a hard time is to push back, isn't it? Give them a hard time back. But that just escalates it, increasing the tension.

Technique #1: Minimize the Importance

One of the best ways to defuse the situation is to minimize the importance of not drinking.

Just between you and me, we know that stopping drinking is the greatest thing that we've ever done. We know how huge it is. We know what a wonderful thing it is, what a massive effect it's had on our lives. We know that we are never going to drink again.

However, that’s not the thing to say to these people because that’s pushing them further. That’s pushing into the fear they have that they can't control their own drinking.

So you minimize it and you talk about it in a way that doesn't make it sound like a big deal. Typically, if somebody's kind of being annoying about it, I'll just say, "Oh, I'm not drinking at the moment and it seems to be working out for me."

That's very interesting as a phrase, isn't it? "I'm not drinking at the moment." I haven't said it's a forever thing, just a for the moment thing. And then the other part of that is "it seems to be working out for me." I seem to be doing all right at the moment.

It's very noncommittal and it's very much about me – not saying everybody should do it. And it's not saying it's actually a brilliant thing. It's just, it seems to be working out for me.

So phrases like that – "I'm not drinking at the moment, and it seems to be working out for me" – can really defuse the situation. They can take it down a notch or two. That will deal with most people. Most people don’t feel threatened when confronted with a phrase like that, because you haven't pushed into their fear, you haven't escalated the situation.

Technique #2: Use Distraction

If it doesn't work – use the wonderful medium of distraction.

You say, "Ah, Dave, I'm so glad you have come over here to talk to me because I have got a question for you. I was just wondering whether the Philadelphia Eagles are actually as good as their record. Do you think they're overperforming? Do you think they've gotten away with it in a few games? Do you think they're going to crumble towards the end of the season?"

Now, Dave is on his favourite subject -- why the Eagles are not actually as good as they look. And he'll be talking about that till at least the start of the Super Bowl. He has totally and utterly forgotten that he was on a mission to get you to drink. And now he's just going to talk about football.

Of course, Dave might not be interested in football. It might be ice hockey. It might be James Bond. It might be knitting, crochet, for all I care. You know that Dave is really, really interested in something. And so long as you can get him onto that track, he is going to leave you alone.

Practice Makes Perfect

But you should practice those phrases. I am very comfortable saying, "I'm not drinking at the moment and it seems to be working out for me" because I've said it a lot. I've used it a lot.

If you're not so comfortable with it, just practice it. Sit in front of the mirror. Say to yourself, "I'm not drinking at the moment and it seems to be working out for me." Try it a few times. If you don't like that as a phrase, think of another phrase, but make sure it really minimizes what you're doing. It doesn't push into the fear of the person who's giving you a hard time.

And then secondly, think about where you're going to be. Think about the kind of people that you're going to be with. Think about the Daves in your life and have an idea about what a good distraction would be – a good question that you could ask them. "I'm so glad you're here. I really wanted to know about [insert Dave's passion here]."

Part Two: Crushing Christmas Party Jealousy

Now let's tackle something a bit unexpected: jealousy.

You might be asking yourself, "Why on earth would I be jealous of somebody who's drinking alcohol?" That's exactly what we're going to dig into.

The Truth About Jealousy

You will only feel jealous of people drinking alcohol if you believe you're missing out on something exciting by not drinking.

That's the key.

I want you to really appreciate deep down inside that you're not missing out on anything worth having.

Let Me Tell You a Christmas Story

Let me start with a little tale from my drinking days – a Christmas Eve I'll never forget (well, mostly never forget).

I went to a party. Nothing unusual there – that was something I did a lot. But this time was different because I'd promised my mum I'd go to church with her on Christmas morning.

Off I went to this party with a friend. I don't really remember much about it, partly because it was a long time ago, and partly because I had quite a lot of drinks.

What I do remember is getting home late, looking at the clock, and thinking, "Oh no, I've got to be up soon."

In my infinite wisdom, I decided that if I was only going to get a few hours of sleep, the best thing to do was sleep on the floor. That way it would be easier to get out of bed if I wasn't actually in one. Genius, right?

Christmas morning rolled around. Time to get up for church. I dragged myself off the floor, went to church, and very nearly fell asleep during the service a couple of times. I felt awful. Actually, I felt pretty rubbish all day until sort of mid-afternoon when a couple of post-lunch drinks kicked in and I started to feel a bit better.

But that particular morning? It was rough. Really rough.

Does That Sound Like Something Worth Missing?

Now, why do I mention this story? Because you've got to look at examples like that. You've almost certainly got your own.

And you've got to ask yourself: Does that sound typical? Was that the kind of thing you only did at Christmas or was it behavior representative of most of the year? Was that kind of thing typical when you were drinking?

Really think about it. Dig into it. Ask yourself honestly: Does that sound like something worth doing? Something you should be jealous of missing?

I'm not going to answer that question for you. I want you to answer it for yourself.

The Sneaky Trick Your Brain Plays on You

Let me explain a concept called Fading Affect Bias.

It's pretty simple: your brain tends to forget the things that were bad and remember the things that were good.

Think about it for a second. This actually makes perfect sense. If you remembered all the bad stuff and forgot all the good stuff, you'd be miserable all the time. So your brain protects you by letting the negative stuff fade away.

This works brilliantly for most things. But there's one area where it doesn't work so well: alcohol.

What happens is you end up forgetting all the awful stuff that happened to you and clinging to all the things you thought were good about drinking. You remember what you thought was good about it and forget everything bad about it.

And that's one of the things that contributes to believing you're missing out – especially around Christmas.

From FOMO to JOMO

What have you got to do? You've got to make sure you really remember all of those bad things.

Because if you really remember all of those bad things, then you won't have the fear of missing out. You won't have FOMO.

You'll have JOMO – the Joy of Missing Out!

If you remember all the bad stuff, then you won't want to do it. You'll be quite pleased you don't have to do it anymore.

And that feeling – that relief – was really surprising to me. I actually felt genuinely glad that I didn't have to drink anymore.

Your Action Plan for Conquering Jealousy

So how do you get to that magical point? Here's what I recommend:

Write it all down. Get a piece of paper, grab a pencil, and just scribble. Write down all of the stuff that was really bad about drinking. Do it as exhaustively as you can – dig deep and get it all out.

Remind yourself regularly. Over the Christmas holidays, look at that list quite regularly. If parties are coming thick and fast, check it every few days. If things are calmer, maybe once a week.

When you move into the new year, you can dial it back a bit. Look at it every month or six weeks – whatever feels right.

But keep doing it. Over the next year or so, regularly remind yourself how much you actually hated drinking.

That will build your joy of missing out. You'll get this great feeling of relief that you don't have to do that anymore.

What About the "Good" Stuff?

Now, you might be thinking, "But what about all the positive things I remember about drinking?" That's a fair question, and it's something worth exploring separately. The beliefs we hold about the benefits of alcohol are powerful, and they deserve their own careful examination.

I covered it extensively in this article: Effective Relapse Prevention Strategies for 2025.

For now, though, focus on building that JOMO – that joy of missing out. Because once you've got that solid foundation of remembering why you stopped, you'll be much better equipped to challenge those rose-tinted memories.

Part Three: The Number One Tactic for Enjoying Family Time

Now let's tackle the other big challenge: spending time with your family over the festive season.

The number one tactic you can use is acceptance. It's about meeting your family where they are.

Let's face it – we don't always like the reaction that we get from our family. We don't always like the way they behave. But if we can accept that and meet them where they are, then we will actually enjoy time with them over Christmas.

A Personal Example

Let me share a story from a family gathering a few Christmases ago. I was talking to a family member who was doing the drinks. They had a big array of alcoholic drinks laid out, and I simply asked, "Have you got any soft drinks?"

Their response? "Oh, do you always go on about sobriety? Will you ever talk about anything else? You're so anti-alcohol."

And it's like, no, I don't go on about it a lot. All I wanted was a glass of water. I mean, is that too much to ask?

Here's the thing about that particular family member: we never talk about me. We never talk about the stuff I do. We always talk about them – their job, their family, their plans. And it's always pretty boring. Anyway...

The Real Question

When you're put into family situations like that, you've got to ask yourself: how does that make you feel? How does your family's reaction to you not drinking make you feel?

Probably not great.

You've also got to take a step back and ask yourself: why do you feel that way when your family behaves like that?

Which is really another way of asking yourself: do you have a choice? Could you have a different reaction? Could they behave in the same way, but could you feel differently?

A Powerful Lesson from History

To put this into sharp relief, I'd like to introduce you to a man called Viktor Frankl. You may well have heard of him. He wrote a little book called Man's Search for Meaning – a very influential book and a great Christmas present, by the way. Get it on Amazon now.

Viktor Frankl was born in 1905 in Vienna to a Jewish family. He studied hard at school, went to medical school, and became a doctor. He got very interested in psychiatry and actually worked on a groundbreaking suicide prevention scheme for students. He was a very successful, very innovative doctor, very much ahead of his time.

But unfortunately, in 1938, Austria was annexed by Nazi Germany. As a Jew, he found himself on the wrong side of history. Opportunities to work became restricted to the point where he was unable to work at all.

In 1942, he was shipped off to a concentration camp. He had a particularly difficult time. His father died of starvation. His mother and his brother both perished in the gas chambers. And his wife eventually died of typhus. He lost his entire family in the Holocaust.

I think it would be very understandable for Viktor Frankl to be quite angry about that, to have a highly negative reaction to those circumstances.

But the conclusion that he came to in the darkest moments of the 20th century was this: the only freedom that any of us really has is choosing how we react to situations.

The thing they cannot take away from you is how you feel.

A Very Powerful Concept

This is a very, very powerful concept. It's not always easy to put into practice, but it is incredibly powerful.

Because we might not like where our family is. We might wish that they were different. But actually, we have a choice about how we react to the way they behave.

If you choose to accept that they are where they are – still acknowledging that you would like it to be different, but accepting that they are where they are – then that puts you into a position of power. You can then choose to embrace the power of choice and react in a different way.

Practical Steps for Family Acceptance

Practically, how can you get around to doing that?

It's really useful to sit down and make a list of all of the good points about your family and all of the bad points.

Now, there aren't only going to be bad points. Your family will have helped you on your sobriety journey in some way. Make sure you are really super clear on those good points – the things that they've actually done to help you through your sobriety journey, the things that they have done to support you.

And yes, there's advantages to listing those bad points, to getting it off your chest.

But I want you to actually focus on those good points. Accept the bad points for what they are. Realize that while you would love to change them, you're not necessarily in a position to do that. Then focus on those good points.

That helps you to accept where your family is, that they will say and do things that don't help. But in general, they want to support you. That can help you to choose a different reaction to them.

The Ultimate Realization

What if there aren't many good points? Honestly, dwelling on the bad points about your family leads you to one very powerful conclusion: you start to feel a little bit sorry for them.

The way they behave to you is a reflection of how they behave to themselves. If they are giving you a hard time about not drinking – imagine what a tough time they give themselves about drinking. Yes, they're criticism of you usually comes from the fact that they are conflicted about drinking.

If they weren't conflicted why would they need to mention it? If they loved drinking so much they'd just get on and enjoy themselves, it wouldn't matter what you did.

And honestly, that leads you to feel sorry for them because they have to drink at Christmas. Actually they have to drink too much at Christmas. And you know from experience that it's no fun.

Remember: you can't control how others behave, but you can always choose how you respond. That's where your real power lies.

Bringing It All Together

This Christmas, you have three powerful strategies at your disposal:

1. Master the art of saying no by understanding that pressure usually comes from others' insecurity about their own drinking. Minimize the importance of your sobriety and use distraction when needed.

2. Build your JOMO by remembering all the terrible aspects of drinking. Write them down, review them regularly, and let that relief wash over you – the relief that you don't have to do that anymore.

3. Practice acceptance with your family. Meet them where they are, focus on their good points, and remember that you always have the power to choose how you respond to their behavior.

These aren't just tactics for surviving Christmas sober. They're tools for thriving during the festive season and enjoying it in ways you never could when you were drinking.

Get out there and have some fun. Because it's Christmas. It's meant to be fun. You are meant to enjoy yourself.

You've got this. And you're not missing out on anything worth having.